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| | Prank Gone Awry by Olly Omani
Many people turned on their faucets, or worse, their showers... or worse yet, their bidets, and discovered that it wasn't water flowing from the tap, but blood.
Mayor Inigo had the following to say: "Citizens of Haven, I regret to inform you that recent graduates of the Academy decided to pull what's called a senior prank, and have sabotaged the water plant, shutting off the filtration systems and pouring fifty gallons of pig's blood into the water. With that said, we are in the middle of trying to repair it."
The water returned to normal the same day, though it did cause panic in the streets. A family of four was rushed to the clinic and currently are still in critical condition after they drank Kool-Aid, spiked with some kind of poison by the father of the family, who felt the pig's blood was a sign from God that the end times were here.
Other injuries were noted by the Clinic, primarily fractures and a concussion, these were caused from people who, in a panic, slipped and fell in the bathroom, injuring themselves.
The HSD was not available for comment.
Mahalo, Havenites.
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| ...Of The Week
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Offensive Joke of the Week: What's the difference between sarcasm and feminism? People sometimes take sarcasm seriously.
Punny Joke of the Week: Relationships are like algebra... You always look at your X and try to figure out Y.
Quote of the Week: Forgiveness means letting go the hope of a better past - Lama Surya Das
Riddle of the Week: If you eat me, my sender will eat you, what am I?
Last Week's Answer: The letter X.
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| Obituaries
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Natalie Woods, aged 97, died this week from a heart attack during the prank blood scare earlier this week. Despite the timing, the prank is considered unrelated to her death. She is survived by her two cats, Buster and Captain, and her four still living children.
Josef, a twenty three year old barista who worked at Biomechanical, was killed on the job by a disturbed individual in a drug-fueled attack. Evidently the man was shot to death as part of a robbery, the perpetrator's body was later discovered, killed from a self-inflicted gunshot wound.
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Click Here to Submit a Question Ask Olly Donate To Keep The Lantern Lit
| I am not a certified therapist, psychiatrist or anything else, but if you have a question and want some unbiased, objective advice from a guy who doesn't know you, you've come to the right place!
I got no questions this week, if you have any for me, send them in to my e-mail.
-Olly
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Click Here to Submit a Question The Grinning Knight Donate To Keep The Lantern Lit
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A Weekly Serial
by Olly Omani
On Hiatus
The Grinning Knight, Chapter 2, may continue at some point
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