Matthew Montrose




About Me
“Yes, that Matthew Montrose. No, I dont have a cannon anymore.”
Just moved to New Haven after realizing LA had too many oat milk options and not enough decent parking. I make internet stuff. Some of it funny, some of it regrettably viral, all of it available in crisp HD. Former prankster, current podcast philosopher. Once got slimed on Nickelodeon, judged a musical family, and lost a Teen Choice surfboard in a storage unit auction.
Looking for someone who wont run when I say “content house” and who knows that pizza should never be made out of sushi, cake, or hot dogs. Must enjoy spontaneous road trips, poorly sunk karaoke, and morally complicated influencers.
Match up if you like long walks off-camera and a man who can turn a viral scandal into a tax write-off.
Quote
“The difference between a comedy and a tragedy is where you stop the story.” – Orson Welles
Joke
I’ve stared at the algorithm, and the algorithm stared right back. It recommended my ex’s engagement photos.